I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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