so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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