Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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