i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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