Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
operation harelip BJ is a go
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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