Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
