He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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