Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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