I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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