it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
