I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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