My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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