Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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