lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up