Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!