Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.