So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.