a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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