They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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