She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize