If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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