In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
