That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
