She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
