Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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