just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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