i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize