Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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