What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
