I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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