can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize