I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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