i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
