If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
