I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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