Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
