May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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