I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up