woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...