I cockslap morals
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...