is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.