After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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