wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
