well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
