Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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