Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't put those talents on a resume
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?