my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.