somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.