people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess