He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores