Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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