You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.