Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.