Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.