Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.