can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months