My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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