There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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