hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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