I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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