Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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