"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
