i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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