we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize