Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
